Aids Monkey

Stupid asshole writers and dickhead producers fail to reach a compromise while thousands of viewers across the country are forced to actually interact with each other.  Men everywhere are having to play with their bastard children and fuck their fat tub of shit wives because there is simply nothing to watch on TV.  Aids Monkey witch doctors have already placed an anal leakage curse on the pets of those responsible for the strike, hopefully further action won’t have to be taken.

If like most of us you are a fan of chicks with a nub, you will be stoked to learn that in Morten Traavik, a Norwegian theater director, has created the first ever Miss Landmine Pageant in Angola. All contestants must have had a leg blown off by a landmine, and are paid 200 dollars a day to compete for a golden prosthetic leg. If Africans chicks with missing legs don’t do it for you don’t fret, plans are already in the works for a 2009 Cambodian Miss Landmine Pageant. Of course we all hope that this spills over to form other entities like a Miss Elephantitis, or a Little Miss Harelip competition.

Michael Vick, dog fighting extraordinaire, turned himself in for jail today.  The United States crazy left wing judicial system once again has put their own extreme views on animal cruelty ahead of the nations best interest with this obvious witch hunt.  Never mind the fact that the US puts thousands of dogs to death each year, dogs who have never known the joy of being crazed with blood lust and ripping another dog to shreds.  Aids Monkey will be holding a candle light vigil this evening at 10 PM, at the Aids Monkey Emporium, as a salute to all the dog fighters who have fallen victim to a justice system gone mad.

A crash by the coast guard yesterday spilled 58,000 gallons of rich beautiful oil into San Francisco Bay. Aids Monkey salutes the right minded individual who took it upon them selves to roll up their sleeves and give mother nature the ass kicking she deserves. About 400 winged rats have already perished as a result of the oil spill and of course we all hope and pray that the number moves higher. A group of lunatics are apparently trying to save some birds, and clean up the oil, undoing a lot of the good of the oil spill has caused. Senators and congressmen are decrying the oil spill and lambasting the members of the coast guard involved, and their superiors.  This just proves once again that no good deed goes unpunished.

The snack machine guy came today, for some reason I didn’t want to bitch at him over the machine eating two of my dollars.  I hate confrontation.  It probably stems from the time I told the Santa at the mall that he wasn’t the real Santa, and he beat me over the head with a wooden candy cane, dragged me into a fiberglass gingerbread house, and repeatedly raped me while a midget dressed as an elf watched and laughed.  It almost ruined last Christmas, thank god for 151 mixed with eggnog.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just get so pissed off that you want to kill everyone around you. Just grab them and start beating them until there is nothing left. Then urinate and defecate all over their mangled corpses. Then roll around in the piles of shit and piss and blood for a short time, and then blow your brains out. Guess I’ve just got a case of the Mondays…

Welcome to the Aids Monkey Blog!  This has been long over due, but its finally up and running.  The staff of Aids Monkey will do our best to bring you random shit, fucked up shit, shit thats on our minds, pictures of shit, and all the shit thats unfit to print.